Am I Enough?

Before we moved overseas to Peru, I felt God continuing to ask me the question “Am I enough for you?”  I didn’t like that He kept asking me that.  The question reminded me of when Jesus asked Peter “Do you love me?”  It felt the same to me.  In my mind, I thought why would God ask me such a question…probably like Peter must have thought.  “Do you love me?” and Peter replied “of course I love you”   “Then feed my sheep” Jesus replied.  God kept asking me “Am I enough?” before we moved.  But honestly, I was afraid of the answer because I didn’t know if He would be enough.  When my comfort, friendships, family and western consumerism was gone…was He going to be enough?

The answer to this question didn’t get real for me until I was stripped of a lot of things that brought me happiness and pleasure.  When the things of the world that bring us such pleasure are gone…will God be enough? Will He be our JOY? It’s a question that really takes a hard look at our love relationship with our Father and one that He really wants the answer to be YES! In 1 John 2:15 –John writes “Do not love the world or the things in the world.” And 1 John 5:21 ends with “Little children, keep yourselves from idols.” 

I think God knows how easy it is for us to put other things on His throne.  I think it makes Him sad and probably a bit angry after all He’s done to restore the relationship we once had in the beginning.  How much time do we really spend with Him? Is He enough for us? Do we delight in His presence and in all of our ways acknowledge Him?  You realize I’m writing this blog to myself out of my own convictions.  I get frustrated that I look past our God at times and want to find joy in something more? I hate that I do this! I’m not saying that we cannot enjoy the things that God has created for our good. After all, when He created the world he looked at it and said it is good! I’m talking about when I have 2 options..to spend time with Him or with Facebook…with Him or a book…with Him or TV. What do I choose? And more importantly why?

The world is frantically fighting for all of our attention AT ALL TIMES! Because of this, we have to be so intentional in protecting our time with God.  This is the part that we-Americans take for granted BIG TIME! At least I sure did!! We can go to a Christian bookstore, join a bible study group, pick up a Starbuck's coffee and head to church to hear wonderful music while our children our being taking care of in a wonderfully nurtured environment.  Here in Peru, church is all Spanish, children ages 0-5 are all together in a non air conditioned room, songs all in Spanish with crazy tempos and the words are hard to pronounce and sing, Sunday school all Spanish with Spanish devotionals that I can’t quite understand yet and no English bible study groups;) And, in the mountains…there is none of this. So, how do I spend quality time with God?

When I don’t have all of these things feeding me…..How do I self feed? What I mean by that is, do I really know how to feed my soul with God’s word if I don’t have all my American stuff?  Quite frankly, the answer is ‘not very well’ unfortunately.  Chris and I are asking God to show us how to do this better.  This is something that is very important to us.  When we move to the mountains..we may or may not have internet…meaning we can’t just YouTube a praise song..upload Fletcher sermons…or upload a Christian devotional to a kindle.  What do we do with only our Bible? It’s like we’ve had training wheels on our bibles for sooooo long and when we take them off…we are pretty wobbly and falling down a lot in our efforts.  At least I am.

When I read stories about believers across the world, who don’t have the written word, I am amazed! They just have verses, stories, chapters or a few books of the bible memorized.  These believers are filled with joy….the words they know are ENOUGH and they delight in sharing all that they know with others so they too may know the joy that’s in Christ and His word.  The word is ENOUGH!  They don’t have a nice big church building, devotionals in their language, sermons, retreats, concerts etc…  How is it that God and His word is ENOUGH for them and most of us in America…with ALL that we have…its still not enough???  Why isn’t He enough for us?

I am learning that He isn’t ENOUGH for us..enough for me sometimes… because we aren’t getting ENOUGH of Him. We are not satisfied in Him because we aren’t spending  quality time with Him. We read a Christian book,  glance through a devotional, listen to a song, pray before we eat and we call that spending quality time with Him.  It’ s like taking a bite out of a brownie and saying ‘I’m good that was satisfying’ when imagine if we ate the entire brownie-now that’s satisfying!  Maybe this is why we keep looking for satisfaction in other places.  If you just eat a bite of a brownie…your gonna definitely eat something else …maybe a cookie…ice cream…something..but if you actually ate more than a bite..you ate the whole brownie…then you are more full and more satisfied (I realize this is just an analogy and many of you are like-Ashley..I’d still want 1 or 2 more brownies ;) The point here is..Is God and His word enough for us? For me, I’m learning how to have quality time with God with just my bible.  I’ve tried this in the past and usually just resorted to devotionals again, books, online sermons etc… I want God and His written word to be enough for me! I’m asking God to show me how to get the most out of His word, how to read it, meditate on it, memorize it, enjoy it more….so I can answer Him…”YES! You are enough!”